You do not have to be good.
—Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good is the first line of Mary Oliver’s poem “Wild Geese.”
Hearing “you do not have to be good” with the authority with which Oliver offers it—an announcement, a declaration, an absolute—brings relief and surprise.
Sit with it for a few moments.
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to be good.
Does your body and your nervous system and your soul, say the opposite? As mine does?
Be good.
Be good.
Be good.
You do not have to be good. It turns the soul back on itself.
I’ve been hearing that since long before I understood words at all. It rings so deeply and with such ancient echo it carbon dates my sense of self.
And then Mary Oliver comes along and says:
You do not have to be good.
The air deflates from that flimsy bag of ego I work so hard to puff up.
I take a moment to pause.
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to be perfect.
You do not have to be impressive.
You do not have to be special.
You do not have to be admired.
It is worth emphasizing that the poem does not say it is bad to be good and I hope you do not read the first line as a way to justify being bad.
No one gets any points for being an asshole.
It is indeed good to be good at the meeting or in your marriage or in life.
I want to be good.
You should try to be good.
We can try to be good.
But that striving has nothing to do with now.
Now?
You do not have to be good.
And the more you remind yourself you do not have to be good, the better you will be in your being.