No Gold Stars
That’s not the case, it’s actually day by day, how you do your work, how you conduct yourself, how you treat people, the joy you get out of your work.
This is Conan O'Brien saying that success and achievement do not, as he thought it would when he was young, solve your problems or tell you what life is about. (This is at the 45-minute mark here, where he is talking with Harvard students.)
What O'Brien says rings in my ears like “it is better to give than receive,” a truism we make nice with but don’t actually practice or live out.
It is incredibly deep in the DNA of being a person and a major myth of our linear, capitalistic world to think the destination achieved is the oasis, that the corner office or tenure or partnership or the big award will make everything fine. There your anxieties will be calmed, your problems solved, life’s big gold star has been awarded to you.
Yet over and over and over, the “successes” who stay relevant and interesting, who do more than show off their trophy case, show their rich relationship to life, including its difficulties, while saying two things: It is about the work and success guarantees nothing.
Over and over and over when I talk with people about their struggles, “successful” or no, they struggle with wanting that gold star—the “good boy” or “good girl” feeling—they think some achievement or award will confer.
I feel this too. It is endemic to being alive. Which is why we have to get back to work including reminding ourselves of what matters.
It is great to achieve and succeed and have people who will celebrate your wins when you have them.
But let today’s success be the work you do, the way you conduct yourself, and how you treat others. That’s the alchemy to spin into a magic tomorrow.